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Jugnu Singh
Jugnu Singh with two red ears went to
his doctor.
The doctor asked him what had happened to his ears and he answered,
"I was ironing a shirt and the phone
rang but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear."
"Oh Dear!" the doctor
exclaimed in disbelief.
"But...what happened to your other ear?"
"The scoundrel called back."Jugnu Singh
Jugnu Singh got up in the middle of the night to answer the telephone.
"Is
this one one one one?", says the voice.
"No, this is eleven eleven."
"Are you sure it isn't one one one one?"
"No,
this is eleven eleven."
"Well, wrong number. I am Harpal calling, sorry to have woken you up on the middle of the night."
"That's
all right, mister. I had to get up to answer the telephone anyway."
Simple Surd
Questions & Answers!
Q: How do you keep a surd in suspense?
A: (I'll tell you tomorrow.)
Q: How
do you keep a surd busy?
A: Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.
Q: How did the surd try
to kill the bird?
A: He threw it off a cliff.
Q: Why did 18 sardarjis go to a movie?
A: Because below 18 was
not allowed !!!
Q: What's the difference between a surd and a computer?
A: You only have to punch information into
a computer once.
Q: Why can't sardars make ice cubes?
A: They always forget the recipe.
Q: Why do men like
surd (sardarji) jokes??
A: Because they can understand them.
Q: What does a surd say when you ask his if his blinker
is on?
A: It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off.
Q: What do you get when U offer a surd a penny
for his thoughts?
A: Change.
Q: What do you call 10 surds standing ear to ear?
A: A wind tunnel.
Q: What
do you call a surd in an institution of higher learning?
A: A visitor.
Q: What do you call a surd with half a brain?
A:
Gifted!
Q: What do you call a surd in a tree with a brief case?
A: Branch Manager.
Q: What do you see when
you look into a surd's eyes?
A: The back of his head.
Q: What do a surd and your computer have in common?
A:
You don't know how much either of them mean to you until they go down on you.
Q: What do you do when a surd throes
a hand grenade at you?
A: Pull the pin and throw it back.
Q: Why did the surd take his typewriter to the doctor
??
A: He thought it was pregnant becaus missed a period.
Q: Why are surds hurt by peoples words?
A: Because people
keep hitting them with dictionaries.
Q: Why can't surds put in light bulbs?
A: They keep breaking them with the hammers.
Q:
Whats the difference between a Surd and a Supermarket Trolley?
A: A supermarket trolley has a mind of its own.
Q:
A surd ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
A: "Six, please. I could never
eat twelve pieces."
Q: What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A: A surd parade.
Q: Guy asked his
surd wife "how did you get the car in the living room"?
A: She said "I drove it through the kitchen and took a left."
Q:
SOMEONE ASKED IF A SURD BELEIVED IN SMOKING.
A: He said "Yes, I've seen it done."
Q: "Have you ever read Shakespeare?"
A:
Sardar: "No, who wrote it?"
Siddhuism -
Quotable Cricket Quotes
A few of Siddhuism for all u cricketing and non-cricketing fans :-
Statistics
are like bikinis… what they reveal is suggestive, what they hide is essential!
Spit on your hands! Take the black
flag! And start slitting throats!
Wickets are like wives… you never know which way they will turn!
He
looks like a brooding hen over a China egg!
It is very difficult to kill a man who is hell bent on committing suicide!
He
is as innocent as a freshly laid egg!
When you are dining with the demons, you’ve got to have a long spoon!
If
‘ifs and buts’ were ‘pots and pants’ there would be no tinkers!
The ball went so high it could
have got an airhostess on its way down!
This team is like bicycles in a cycle stand… one falls and the entire
row falls!
The scoreboard is running faster than an Indian Taximeter!
The batsman is like a three-wheeler. Sucks
a lot of fuel, but cannot go beyond 30!
The wily fox is back… it is an ill omen when a fox licks the lambs!
A
big outcry but no outcome!
All that comes from a cow is not milk!
Just because a rose smells sweet, you do not
use it in the soup!
~ Thank you for reading. We hope that you choke
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Future Movies in IT world!
· Do Gateways
· Debugging koi Khel nahi
· Helpdesk ki Aatma (Ramasay bandhu ki Horror film)
· Mera naam developer
· Kaho
na Bench hai
· Crash kar di aaapne
· Mein backup lunga
· Pati patni aur computer
· Deployment ki raat
·
Hum WALK-IN ja chuke sanam
· Dhai akshar HRD ke
· Jis Desh mein Bill(gates) rahata Hain
· Hum To US jaayega
·
Aa ab KUCH KAAM kare
· Raju ban gaya IT MAN..!
· Dekhte Dekhte Connection mil Gaya
· Ish Bench ki subah kab hogii
· Client ek numbari PROGRAMMER Dus Nambari
· Tere Cube Ke saamne
· Login karo sajana
· Sapane Stock Option
Ke
· Ek Thi vacancy
· Client ko milane de
· Interview ke Sapane
· Naukar PC ka
· Email dena sanam
·
Mera Resume Mera Skill
· Hackers ke Site par Hacker
· Experience Bina H1
· Firewall( Diwar)
· Meri debugging
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Desi @ American Campus speaking English Dialogues
Galatfehmi ka shikar hona: to be hunted down by misunderstanding.
Izzat ko mitti me milana: To mix one's honor
in mud
Meri izzat ki naak cut gayee: My honors' nose has been chopped off
Kiske saath moonh kaala kiya?: Who have you
blackened your face with?
naak mein dum karna: to strengthen the nostrils
heard in kitchen: No, No I don't need chair
i can stand eating
"Do not smoke and spoil the botany of ur body"
"Why are you naat filupping the blanks ?"
Advice
to father thinking about whether he should let his daughter continue her studies or get her married: "Vell, if you wantu study
her, then study her. If you wantu marry her, then marry her."
Prof to students hanging around the corridors during exams:
"Do not revolve in the corridors in front of the examinations"
An instructor explaining the working of pendulum: "Take
an elephant of negligible weight"
Instructor: "Take a copper wire of any metal...and pour a liquid solution of sulphuric
acid in a round bottom flask of any shape.. "
A gardener scolding three kids : "Both of u three, don't under-stand the
tree"!!
"Open the windows, open the windows, let the climate come in"
"Open the doors of the window, and let the atmosphere
come in "
"You three, both of you kneel down together separately"
"Louly hair cutting. Hair cutting, current drying.
No shock."
"Florida paan shop. Prop: Raju . B.A, M.A."
"Repeat again please!"
"Mistake became wrong!"
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Company ne ek naya salesman hire kiya. Sale badhne lagi-din
dugni, raat chauguni. Malik ne socha is ladke se mujhe milna hai. Malik showroom par aaya, usne dekha ladka ek customer ko
fishing-rod bech raha tha.Woh door khada ho kar hi usko customer se deal karte dekhne lagaa. Ladke ne fishing-rod bech di.
customer ne kaha kitne rupaye, ladka bola Rs.800/-. Yeh kahkar ladke ne customer ke shoes dekhe aur bola, itne mehange shoes
pahankar fishing karne jayenge? Ek sport shoe bhi kharid lijiye,customer ne sport shoes bhi kharid liye. Ab ladke ne kaha
talaab kinare dhoop mein baithna padega, ek cap bhi kharid lijiye to theek rehega, customer ne cap bhi kharid li. Ab ladke
ne kaha, machli pakadne mein bahut intezar karna padega, kuchch eatables, wafer, biscuits, bhi le jayiye, customer ne woh
bhi kharid liye. Ladka bola machli pakdenge to rakhenge kahan ? Yeh ek Rs.100/- ki basket bhi le lijiye, customer ne woh bhi
kharid li. Ab total bill bana Rs.2000/- ka. Malik bahut khush hua. Usne ladke ko bulaya aur kaha, tum to kamal ke salesman
ho. Woh aadmi fishing rod kharidane ayaa . . . aur tumane usey itna sara samaan bech diya, very good. Ladka bola, woh aadmi
to "Carefree Sanitary Pack" khridane ayaa tha, maine kaha, char din tu ghar par kya karega, " Jaa Machli Pakad "
rohit
dhall
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Pakistan border
Scene: Trench warfare on Pakistan border, Sikh regiment on one
side.
Kartar Singh gets a bright idea, shouts, "Oye Abdul!" A guy gets up from other trench, "Kya hai be" Kartar Singh
shoots!! BANG. The guy is shot dead!
Kartar Singh shouts again, "Oye Karim" 2 guys stand up, "Kya hai saala"
BANG
BANG both khalaas are gone
Kartar Singh shouts again,"Oye Mustafa!" 2 more, BANG-BANG! dono khalaas!
Pakis
get worried, they think: Saala Sardarji log, when did they get so smart? They decide to try the trick themselves.
"Abe
Gurdev Singh" silence
"Oye Gurdev Singh!!" silence
"O bhai, Gurdev Singh!"
This time some one says,
"Gurdev Singh ko kaun bula raha hai re?"
Paki gets up, "Main"
BANG! He goes!
*****************************************************
Pakistan border
Scene: Trench warfare on Pakistan border, Sikh regiment on one
side.
Kartar Singh gets a bright idea, shouts, "Oye Abdul!" A guy gets up from other trench, "Kya hai be" Kartar Singh
shoots!! BANG. The guy is shot dead!
Kartar Singh shouts again, "Oye Karim" 2 guys stand up, "Kya hai saala"
BANG
BANG both khalaas are gone
Kartar Singh shouts again,"Oye Mustafa!" 2 more, BANG-BANG! dono khalaas!
Pakis
get worried, they think: Saala Sardarji log, when did they get so smart? They decide to try the trick themselves.
"Abe
Gurdev Singh" silence
"Oye Gurdev Singh!!" silence
"O bhai, Gurdev Singh!"
This time some one says,
"Gurdev Singh ko kaun bula raha hai re?"
Paki gets up, "Main"
BANG! He goes! |
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
Diwali
A
young second generation Indian in the US, is explaining the significance of Diwali to his younger brother. This is how he
would go about it...
So, like this dude had,
like, a big cool kingdom and people liked him. But, like, his step-mom, or something, was kind of a bitch, and she forced
her husband to, like, send this cool-dude, he was Ram, to some national forest or something... since he was going, for like,
something like more than 10 years or so, he decided to get his wife and his bro along... you know...so that they could all
chill out together.
But DUDE, the forest was reeeeal
scaryshit... really man...they had monkeys and devils and shit like that. But this dude, Ram, kicked ass with darts and bows
and arrows...so it was fine. But then some bad gangsta boys, some jerk called Ravan, picks up his babe (Sita) and lures her
away to his hood. And boy, was our man, and also his bro, Lakshman, pissed... And you DONt piss this son-of-a-gun cuz, he
just kicks ass and like, all the gods were with him. So anyways, you dont mess with gods. SO, Ram, and his bro get an army
of monkeys.
Dude, dont ask me how they trained the damn
monkeys... just go along with me, ok... so, Ram, Laksh. and their monkeys whip this gangstas ass in his own hood. Anyways,
by this time, their times up in the forest and anyways .. it gets kinda boring, you know... no TV or malls or shit like that.
So, they decided to hitch a ride back home...and when the people realize that our dude, his bro and the wife are back home...they
thought, well, you know, at least they deserve something nice... and they didnt have any bars or clubs in those days...so
they couldnt take them out for a drink, so they, like, decided to smoke and shit...and since they also had some lamps, they
lit the lamps also ... so it was pretty cooool ... you know with all those fireworks, really, they even had some local band
play along with the fireworks.. and you know, what, dude, that was the very first, no kidding.., that was the very first music-synchronized
fireworks...you know, like the 4th of July stuff, but just, more cooler and stuff, you know.
And, so dude, THAT was
how, like, this festival started. Cool! Diwali rocks,
#############################################
Resident Indians and Non Resident Indians
Indians : A Green Card holder bachelor:
In
India ...
The guy cant speak Hindi, parents of good Looking girls are
dying to hook him, wears jacket
in summer, says he has a BMW back there.
Outside India. . . .
the
guy cant speak English, wears jacket all the time,
works in a Candy store at Manhattan, dreams of owning a BMW.
_
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
Software Engineer:
In India -
A high-tech guy, always speaks in American accent, always anxious to queue consulate visa line.
Outside India
-
The same hitech guy, who does Ganapati Puja everyday, and says This is my last year in the US (or wherever) every
year
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
Desi Engineer:
In
India -
A person with a respectable job and earning lots.
Outside India -
A person without a secure
job, who always dreams one day he will be rich.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
_ _ _
Father:
In India -
A person you are afraid of, and who is never to be disobeyed.
Outside
India -
A person to whom you pretend to obey, after all he is the one paying your college tuition.?
_ _
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
Daughter:
In India -
A lovely
doll, who brings tears to your eyes during her marriage.
Outside India -
A lovely doll, who brings you to
tears long before her marriage.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
Son:
In India -
A teenager, who without asking will carry your grocery bags from the market.
Outside India -
A teenager, who suddenly remembers he has lot of homework when you start mowing the lawn.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
Wife:
In India -
A woman
who gives you your underwear and towel when you go to take a shower.
Outside India -
A woman who yells
at you not to leave tub dirty when you go to take bath.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
Husband:
In India -
A boring human species, who listens more to his mother
than you, and orders you around to serve him, his parents and
siblings.
Outside India -
Still boring,
but now a useful human species that comes in handy when the house needs to be vacuumed.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
Mother-in
law:
In India -
A women
capable of making your life miserable.
Outside India -
A women you never
fight with, because where else you will find such a dedicated baby sitter for free?
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
Party
Dress code 4 a party---BLACK
TIES ONLY.
Banta goes for the party & is surprised 2 c that the other guests r wearing
SUITS also!
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
Bus Tickets
Santa Singh bought two tickets to Connaught
Place from Tilak Nagar in a DTC bus in Delhi. The conductor was a bit surprised as he could not see anyone with Santa.
Conductor: "Oye Sardaran! Why do you need
two tickets? You are travelling alone?"
Santa Singh: "Dont you know.. pick-pocketing
is common on buses... so I will keep one ticket in my shirts left pocket and the other in my right! So even if a pickpocket
gets at one of my pockets, I will still have a ticket and will not travel without ticket!"
Conductor: "What if a pickpocket gets both
your pockets?"
Santa Singh takes out his wallet from his pant pocket: "I have a monthly pass also!"
Conductor: "And if someone gets your
pant pockets also.. then what.. then you will be fined for travelling without ticket!!"
Santa Singh puts his hand inside
his shirt and displays his ID card (hanging with a chain around his neck) and says with a cunning smile: "Phir sadda DTC staff
hone ka kya fayada!"
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Sardar Gambles
Surjit Singh saw that his friend Baljit
Singh was very depressed.
"What happened ?" asked Surjit.
"Yaar, I lost Rs. 800 in a bet yesterday . "
"How come ?"
"Well, yesterday, the one-day match between India and
England was being shown live on TV.
"I bet Rs.500 that India would win, but I lost the bet."
" But thats only Rs. 500, where did the rest go ?"
" Yaar, I bet on the highlights too "
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